Saturdays are lovely, when as a student you are able to set aside the fact that there’s plenty of homework calling your name. Just leave it for Sunday, you say. And you’re right to. Because laying in bed watching Six Feet Under as the day slides by, there’s little better.
Of course, I was laying in bed today, and I realized how lonely I was. I think there might be some gunk getting caught in my mental process gears lately, but I suddenly was hit with this wave of sadness, that I don’t have anyone to share this with. The experience of London, like the experience of Grinnell, will always feel like something I need to show someone, for them to understand me completely. And there’s nothing better than curling up in bed with nothing to do (or when you’re convincing yourself there’s nothing to do this moment) and just being connected.
So I sat up, thought about it, and realized that it’s okay to be lonely sometimes. I haven’t been in a relationship in a long time, and certainly not one that’s both stable and long term. The key was not letting it clog my mental process gears, because it easily could. I am moving more toward a place of being open to having a great relationship—being open meaning not only do I want one, but I’m capable of having one—but I guess I am just not there yet.
That’s okay. I have great friends, I love having the whole bed to myself, and I’ve got plenty else to focus on in the mean time.