Desire & Destiny: Day 5

I am again working to complete a meditation challenge from Oprah & Deepak at the Chopra Center for Meditation. This one, titled Desire and Destiny, is a 21-day exercise, with daily 15 minute meditations. I’m attempting to journal every day using the prompts provided in the program, and would like to share my feelings here. Not as a narrative or organized fashion, but more for my own posterity.

Day 5: Abundant Me

Have you had a passion or dream that was minimized or squelched by yourself or another? Write about what it felt like to share your dream and have it dismissed. Did that experience impact how you respond to sparks of passion, dreams, and desires in your life now?
I remember sitting at my parents’ kitchen table, early in my teen years, and confessing my desire to be an actor. I wanted to act–I wanted to perform for others and be good at that. And I remember my parents discouraging it–not explicitly, but through small things. They took me to one casting call, but then we couldn’t stay until the end because it got too late. They pushed me toward sports, which took up all of my time and left no time for theater productions. When I auditions for the Merchant of Venice in 9th grade, there was no encouragement to keep trying, just a redirection. I resented that for a long time, that someone could take my dreams from me and make me doubt myself in knowing what I really want. I think that’s perhaps the reason I’m not entirely sure what I want now, and keep trying things, finding I love them, and struggling to stick with them permanently. I doubt whether I will ever know if I’ve found the right thing for me.

Reflect and spend time writing about what you can learn about yourself, others, and life from that experience or other experiences like it. Our reaction to our self-talk and the input of others just might be blocking our dreams from coming to life. Identify and write down several strategies you can use to protect the uplifting energy and possibility that your innovative ideas, dreams and desires hold.
I have been lucky to be able to pursue most of my dreams, aside from that one. I went to school as long as I liked, and worked passionately in psychology before changing to marketing. When I want to do something, rather than doubting my ability or true desires, I do it. I’d rather give an idea my best shot, and find it wasn’t the path I really wanted, than not take the opportunity and feel as though I’ve missed something or run out of time. When I need to be reminded of my passions, I must engage in that passion as others produce it: going to shows, reading things I love, looking at photos from around the world. These serve to kindle the flames I have inside me, providing me with the inspiration to do the things I must, so that I have the time and resources to do the things I love.

What are you grateful for today?
The ability to relax: to have both the time and mental capacity to unplug, and allow myself to do so. To feel content with that absence of doing, speaking, or thinking, and find comfort in quietness. I am grateful that this day wasn’t anxiety prone, wasn’t stressful, and was rejuvenating.

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