Desire & Destiny: Day 8

I am again working to complete a meditation challenge from Oprah & Deepak at the Chopra Center for Meditation. This one, titled Desire and Destiny, is a 21-day exercise, with daily 15 minute meditations. I’m attempting to journal every day using the prompts provided in the program, and would like to share my feelings here. Not as a narrative or organized fashion, but more for my own posterity.

Day 8: What Do I Want?

What is your answer to today’s soul question, “What do I want?” Take time to reflect on what you really want, in your heart and in your soul. Write with abandon! As you begin to declare your heart’s truth, the universe begins to respond.
At first, my answer to the question came from my ego: success, a relationship, and a million other “things” popped into my head immediately. If meeting my own needs and desires was so easy as simply checking these things off of a cosmic grocery list, I would like to think I would have finished shopping for them by now. Even though such things as success and a relationship are more abstract, they are still things that one can simply achieve if one sets their mind to it: one can set the metrics for success in order to achieve them, or find someone–anyone–with whom to struggle at a relationship. I used to think that success or a relationship, even if not fulfilling, were worth it is long as I had them.
I wandered deeply in this meditation, allowing myself to sink into my heart in a way that scared me when I realized the answer to my question. It is not a thing, it is a state of being: I want security. I want calmness, piece of mind, and the self-contained knowledge that things are on the whole okay. I can acknowledge that not all things will be okay, and certainly it is unrealistic to ask for things to be great, but I would like to know, with myself or with another person, in any job or without one, that I am secure. My life is secure because it is okay, and I accept it and myself exactly the way they are. When I tuned into this desire, the song of my heart was was a rhythm, starting as a deep hum and rising rapidly in pitch before falling off again; a siren song, a call, a whimper for security.

As you reflect on your heart’s deepest desires know that it is inspiration paired with action that activates the path to making your dreams come to life. What are five gentle or even bold actions you can take this week to begin to invite these things into your life now?
Security… five steps to create security.
First, I could set down a plan of what exactly I consider to be requirements for security. Taking the abstract concept and defining what it means, perhaps using Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and making them personal to myself, will help me know how to achieve it.
Second, I could write a list of all of the ways in which I am currently secure, to refer to when I feel that terrifying deep swell of insecurity that manifests as jealousy, neediness, or instability.
Third, I could create a list or folder of quotes and pictures about security that other people have used or found helpful.
Fourth, I could write to three friends and thank them for making me feel secure at times in the past when I have needed it. Then I can refer to those emails if I need reminders of overcoming past insecurity.
Fifth, I could draw Vishuddha on my arm when I am feeling the need for more security.

What are you grateful for today?
I am grateful for my energy, even when I find it somewhat lacking. My health is good, and it carries me through the day. I should do better to protect it as I push myself to succeed in so many areas.

Use this space to reflect further on your experience today.
I started focusing on opening the heart chakra, since that seemed natural, but followed Deepak’s guidance on where to place my hands. Also, my ear was twitching, so I ended up having to hold it to stop from distracting myself. I wasn’t asleep, as I was still repeating the mantra, but I was so deeply in a meditative state that the ending bell was very startling. I will see if this pattern continues.

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