Desire & Destiny: Day 11

I am again working to complete a meditation challenge from Oprah & Deepak at the Chopra Center for Meditation. This one, titled Desire and Destiny, is a 21-day exercise, with daily 15 minute meditations. I’m attempting to journal every day using the prompts provided in the program, and would like to share my feelings here. Not as a narrative or organized fashion, but more for my own posterity.

Day 11: Intentional Me

Describe the vision that you sent off to the universe on the billowing cloud during today’s meditation. Take time to write in detail. When our intentions are clear we open the door for the universe to respond.
Throughout the past several days’ meditation, I have struggled to visualize what I really desire. After all, the concept of security is abstract, and uniquely defined by me. It doesn’t look or feel like four enclosed walls or a pad-locked cell. It is a space where I am, exactly as I am, and exactly as the person I want to be in my life. It is a family dinner, with me, and a husband, and children around a table. It is in my best friends’ parent’s old dining room, which feels scary to me considering the way their marriage ended. But it was, at the time I experienced that room in reality, and now in my mind, a place of security, acceptance, and family. It is the kind of place I see myself as an adult, in the kind of home I want to create for myself, and with the kind of relationships I want to have with the people I love. It is the kind of home doesn’t necessarily need to be filled with a husband or children. It could be filled with cats, or friends, or adopted people, or just me. It is my space where I am me, and no one can tell me that is not the right person for me to be.

Take a moment to consider the feelings and self-talk that comes up when you think bold and dream big. Write down as many of these limiting thoughts and sensations as you can. Let them flow freely until you feel complete. Awareness and intention are powerful. Your dream is far more important than any limiting thought, feeling, or belief–your dream is your destiny. Take time now to write your limiting thoughts and beliefs a letter excusing them from duty. As you do this, replace each limiting belief with an empowered statement that allows the negative to release, opening you to pure potential.
I’m not sure how to answer this–if only I could record the dialogue in my head during meditations. Today was incredibly powerful, as I worked through my doubt and lack of self-acceptance. There is no other person who can grant me the security I desire; only I can do so by letting go of my doubts and fears about myself, and accepting myself as the person I am now, and am capable of being.
I again came face-to-face with my fears: that I will be alone–more importantly, that I will be lonely; that I will be insufficient on my own; that I will regret my life. But these are all fears I can overcome, because my perspective on these things is entirely within my control. My desire is not fame, or money, or something that depends in any way on another person; my desire is within my ability to manifest. I can choose to surround myself with people who love me, and can never be lonely for the love in my life. I already know I am sufficient on my own, to take care of myself and to take care of others. And my regret will only be as big as I let it–lately the primary thing I regret is not learning life lessons sooner. Everything I have done has lead me to this point, and I am grateful for the path behind me that shows me the opportunity of the next moment and step forward.
And for all of the things I might think I desire to build security, but that depend on other people? My mind was filled with the calming thought that “what’s meant for me will not pass me, and I will know the things meant for me when I see them.” I felt an incredible weight lift when I combined this thought with the mantra today. Life is designed, by me, and by the world around me. I must make the most of my place in it.

What are you grateful for today?
A really good meditation, despite the fact that I put it off for several hours and lost a bit of sleep because of it (it is Thursday after all; I can make it up on the weekend). I was in a state between thought and visualization and inner peace, and damn it felt good. It felt good to push against myself, to find the mettle within, and to know it is as immovable as I choose it to be. I am secure in some things in my life, and I will continue to manifest security in other areas as I grow. That’s a lot to be thankful for, even if it is completely abstract.

Use this space to reflect further on your experience today.
Today was about opening the crown chakra, and as I mentioned, I was on form for meditation. The weight that came off my shoulders made me feel regal: I realized that I am the universe, I manifest the things I want, like a queen may choose to benevolently bestow certain things. I sat more upright, and felt more free and powerful. Such a strong feeling.

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