Desire & Destiny: Day 12

I am again working to complete a meditation challenge from Oprah & Deepak at the Chopra Center for Meditation. This one, titled Desire and Destiny, is a 21-day exercise, with daily 15 minute meditations. I’m attempting to journal every day using the prompts provided in the program, and would like to share my feelings here. Not as a narrative or organized fashion, but more for my own posterity.

Day 12: Inspired Me

When we force an action in hopes of creating an outcome we desire, we can actually block ourselves from magnificent possibilities. Reflect on a time where you forced action. What cues did your body, mind, and spirit give you along the way? As you begin to get in tune with and listen to your inner cues, you begin to transform your life.
I think I have been quite adept at pushing myself down paths that aren’t good for me, at different points in my life. Usually, the biggest cue I have is a feeling of guilt, though now I find that to be more replaced with anxiety. I get anxious because when I am pushing a path, even though I might have some ideas about where the path is heading, I instead feel like there is ambiguity–like I don’t really know where I’m going or what it will look like. When I can’t see myself in the future I’m trying to create, that’s a good indication to me that it might not be the best path. I don’t mean that I can see every detail of life when I achieve my desire, but when I can’t get the biggest points clear in my mind, I start to get anxious that it’s not right for me (or a better way to think of it is that any excitement I might have over that future transforms into anxiety. ANXIETY, that’s the short answer.

Describe your most memorable experience of receiving, listening and responding to your inner knowing. What cues or intuitive responses do you receive that let you know you are in the flow of right action?
When I am on the right path with my life, the voice that likes to tell me how horrible I am gets quieter. It never really goes away, but I find myself feeling more sure of myself, more capable of managing myself and my destiny. I may still have doubts and uncertainties, but they aren’t the emotionally crippling ones I have when I’m on the wrong path.

What are you grateful for today?
Friday! Restful days coming up, and a holiday to help me feel really recharged pushing into the Christmas season. It’s a long year, when I think of how much work I have to do to get to that year anniversary (which in my mind feels like quite an achievement). When I get there, I’ll feel quite joyful, but for now I have to take rest where I can, and I’m grateful the weekend is coming up to help me with that.

Use this space to reflect further on your experience today.
Today was the throat chakra, because I was feeling quite constricted; I’m constricted because I’m not 100% of what path I’m supposed to be on right now, even. I spent some time meditating on this–how I could know what the right path was, especially since the paths I’m considering have other people walking them. I think I realized, and relaxed in realizing, that there is time to allow the paths to become more clear in my mind before choosing which one is right for me and where I want to manifest my destiny.

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