In My Cave

Living alone is a much different experience this time around. After all, last time wasn’t exactly a choice. It was more a product of necessity, borne of the fact that I had no place to go but my new house and my roommates at the time had no intention of moving in early. Thus, I found myself in a new city, a new house, with no job, no friends. And, well, you know me, but I’m not really a fan of change. In fact, if there was a word that meant the opposite of fan, that I could think of, that would be the what-I-am of change. And thus, I hated Indianapolis. I hated where I lived, I hated my program, and I hated everything about the choices I had made (many and diverse as they were) that had brought me to a city so alone.

But this time it’s been different. Admittedly, I took the weekend in Chicago during my first week in my new apartment, but there is something infinitely more acceptable about this Living Alone than last summer. Perhaps it could be that many friends in the city are merely a phone call away or coming back to town soon, that classes and practicum are on the horizon, that this new place has become a small place of zen where I know I can hide from the rest of the world and live in my head as much as I want. Actually, I’m fairly certain it’s all that and more. And it’s really nice, nicer than I expected.

Especially given how much time I’ve been spending in my own head, er, apartment, working through some (extremely) on-going issues that require kid gloves that I don’t know if I own. It’s so nice to have everything in its (read: the place I designate to be its, feeding infinitely into my own narcissistic tendencies) place, and exactly where I want it all the time. I never thought I would come to this place (hah, pun), but it’s nice and I like it and I think I’ll keep it this way for a while (actually, I was just telling a friend that the next roommate I have will probably be my fiancee, which now that I think on it, seems a completely foreign concept, but then again, living alone once did too). You didn’t hear me say this, but sometimes, just maybe, change isn’t so bad.